Recently I have been procrastinating on publishing a video. I have all the elements in there, it just needs the final touches, but when I look over it, I keep thinking, “Is this good enough?” “Will this be enough?” “Am I a fraud?” These questions plague me as I create comics as well. The imposter syndrome is alive and well. And yet, the thing that keeps me going is this drive to be consistent. My need to create is, in large part, habit. I am used to producing work and so I continue. This habit, this need for creative consistency, pushes me through the overbearing imposter syndrome.
I recently rewatched a video by this guy called HBomberGuy. You might have heard of him. (He’s the one that did a near movie length documentary on why BBC’s Sherlock Holmes is garbage. Worth a watch: Click here) He talked about all the ways RWYB, an animated show about cute girls with weapons written by two creepy guys who seem to be indulging in a bit of fanservice of their own, (my opinion, don’t sue me), is not that great.
Near the end, he addresses the passing of one of the lead creators/animators, Monty Oum. He was not part of a writing process, however, his cinematography of fight scenes was widely celebrated amongst the fanbase and stands to be one of the most memorable aspects of the show. In this video, HBomberGuy recounts what people said about Monty Oum and his drive to keep moving forward. He says,
“Creating art is like jumping off a cliff and building your wings on the way down….You never really know what you’re doing until after you started doing it… would say that the first season, first season and half, first two seasons, based on who was telling it, weren’t turning out super great so far. But it didn’t matter if it was bad right now because in his mind the whole thing, the act of creation itself even, was a process of learning. If you can really figure out how to make something, really get the production and workflow down, figure out what works in the writing and through this process find the core of what this thing you’re making is really supposed to be, it won’t matter how bad it started out because where it went will be great!”
There’s this expectation from readers, other writers and creators that you should know what you’re doing. If you’re good at your job, it’ll look like you do. But, more than likely, you will have moments of doubt. You’ll falter in consistency due to the terror of being found out; that everyone will realise that you have no idea what you’re doing.
Remember, “it won’t matter how bad it started out because where it went will be great!” Just put one foot in front of the other.
How do you manage your self-doubt? Do you ever find yourself creatively stumped? Let us know in the comment section below! And join us on Sunday evening for our Quackchat at 5:30PM(EST)!
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Emma_Clare at 12:00AM, Oct. 23, 2020
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