It's not really clinical depression with these people. They just have a victim narrative.

It gets exhausting speaking to them after a while.

Victim narrative still requires therapy and is still depression so the person does accept and move past their trauma.

You need to acknowledg their illness and worked towards a solution but instead you might be becoming part of the problem.

It's not clinical depression – oh just get over it. A mental health professional would say that's a damaging person to have in your life. They should distance themselves from you and find other means of support.

Sorry but its absolutely true and part of the pathology. Stinks but there it is.

And yes, I have spent years and years seeing this and helping people deal with it. I even distance myself so that I don't damage others. (Among other reasons) I've even used “i” statements to indicate that I just couldn't deal with someone else's narrative and need time to myself. It's okay to say that. It's not okay to say “get over it, done.” Not until they're ready. Stinks but there it is. Something light and fun like a good comedy where you just laugh and forget. And they have to travel to acceptance just like the states of grief. Useful tool. May not be completely correct but it's a tool.

There's a whole toolbox for stuff like this and many just don't know the skills or are aware of the tools for this.

Well, you can be an arsehole and still be right ;)

Here's something I've wondered…

Is this largely a first world problem? We humans (and all living creatures) are supposed to struggle to make it in life. Surviving predators, finding mates, even having a meal the next day… none of these are givens in raw nature…

And now that so many of us have it so easy (relative to how our primitive minds, attuned to raw nature, think it should be), I wonder if our primitive minds can't function without something to strive against, and so we sorta make modern problems, barriers, things to we struggle, much bigger than they really are to compensate…

Not that that doesn't make it real! We're not gonna shift to a primitive subsinstence (well, it could happen, and when it does, little problems tend to disappear…). But we live in the worlds we're in, and we deal with the issues we have, and they have very real consequences. Most of us are not gonna have an ‘AHA!’ moment and realize how trivial some of the problems really are (or at least, we can't all the time…)

Thank God for Comedy, as Bravo said. I've had absolutely devastating moments in life, and sometimes a laugh is all that can get you through! But now, during moments of clarity, I realize even in those devastating moments, I've never really worried about food, shelter… And I just nod, smile, and move on… Mostly (if only I was a well-adjusted as I think I am haha)

A lot of times there are cultural issues Bravo. People are taught that they are victims.
The media and social media and the internet shows us everyone having great lives and getting great opportunities and we think “why don't I have that?”. We don't see that those people are just as messed up as the rest of us and all the hard times they went through to reach those successes are hidden from view.

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@Kim-
I was thinking on this myself.
Humans are evolved for intelligence, nothing else. All our physical abilities we're so proud off in sports etc are a complete joke in the animal world.
Even a mouse or a squirrel, if they were as big as a human, would obliterate our most powerful athletes in every category. Our closest relatives in the primate world are all morons but they are WAY stronger and more powerful than us.

Humans are creatures with disproportionately big round massive bobble-heads with huge faces (compared to other animals). Brains and social communication are what made our species, so it's probably a natural consequence that there's a downside to being so intelligent and social: We get REALLY lonely, we influence each other to do STUPID things (school shootings etc), and we're so smart that we reason ourselves out of existence and commit suicide.
Our brains are complex so our brain issues are complex too and depression is part of that.

@Oz, to clarify, are you asking if you are an arse because you have trouble feeling empathy for people who are distraught over the drama in their lives after finding out the source of their problems is trivial?

First off, you are not an arsehole.

I felt a similar sentiment recently as I was reading the book Beautiful Boy by David Scheff. He shared the story of his life and how his son, Nic, fell into meth addiction even though he sent his son to an amazing private school, lived in an affluent neighborhood, dined on the best foods, and was surrounded by great opportunities. Throughout the book, I had a difficult time sympathizing with his son's early childhood filled with privilege that sent him down a dark spiral.

Of course, everything was on the surface, perhaps Nic fell into addiction because his father was filling the void from his parents' divorce with too many material things and not enough love.

Victim narratives are only one side of a story and there are two sides to every picture. There could be a much darker past lurking under the details you have heard about an individual that causes them to become a master manipilator or gas lighter or that their life is so difficult because they were not given the same opportunities as everyone else.

I think @bravo1102 described it perfectly when he compared depression to treading water. In my late twenties, I had my own experience with the noonday demon that left me feeling like I had cement blocks tied to my feet and I had to swim extra harder in order to reach the surface. @KimLuster said something I also agree with–introspection that leads to dark thoughts emerge once our basic human needs of food, water, shelter, and clothing are met. I have learned that the reason for my own depressed feelings are caused by too much free time, lack of employment, feelings of worthlessness, and an unclear sense of purpose. I found that having a job (ANY job) solved many of my underlying problems.

The beauty of growing older is that I can sense when a downturn in emotions is about to happen and I can call on the support network of my friends before they happen. I have nurtured friendships with my closest friends for over two decades and it helps me deal better with life woes.

Depression and individual personality are two interwoven spectrums that can give you just about every combo under the sun. Me, I’m pretty sure I’m a highly-functioning, moderately bipolar individual. I’ve had two bouts where I was ‘officially’ diagnosed by a shrink as depressed. At those two points, I had to make some significant life shifts to get beyond where I was. I feel I was lucky that I could do it.

Growing up, I was mocked by my entire family for being “moody“. I responded with anger. For years I was an angry person because that was my coping mechanism. Over the years, friends, supervisors, etc. told me that I was too angry. And then a crisis occurred and I saw that they were right. I worked on my anger and I think I’m pretty much over it. But sadness took its place, and sadness is tougher because no one knows to back off like they do with anger. I’m not depressed; I can tell them to back off. But during a depression all bets are off.

I’ve also been the type of person who could get a manicure and within an hour ruin it by changing a flat tire and react, ‘Woe is me.’ Definitely a whiner move. I chalk that up to wanting a little attention, or maybe trying to find a commonality with someone because, absolutely, yes, everybody understands the bad day scenario.

The thing with a real depression is (a) not liking yourself, for whatever real or imagined reason/s. If someone is raised by others who make no attempt to instill self-esteem and then that someone also feels that he/she has no role in the lives of others, any biological proclination towards depression is going to be monumentally tough to overcome. All the time–until he/she finds some kind of support. Or they don't overcome.

And then there’s (b) experiencing No Hope. Ho Hope is the biggie, imo. ‘What’s the point? Nothing will change.’ You don’t have to have a “bad life” for that. Look at Robin Williams. Richard Cory. I still think of Robin Williams. He did what I believe can often relieve a lot of funk before it becomes hardcore depression: He looked for ways to help others. He found commonalities and made others laugh. Looking to interact with others in a positive way can be good medicine.

But when a highly intelligent person can look at the world and not see it’s sweetness but only its iniquities, its pain, its seemingly lack of progress, the hopelessness is only going to scream more loudly until it deadens every experience, past, present, and future. This does support the theory that evolved intelligence and cultural expectations can exacerbate depression, especially when intelligent people are generally attracted to and are therefore more likely to procreate with an intelligent person, compounding the genetic possibility of depression for ensuing generations.

An intelligent person is usually better equipped to hide what they want to hide, and many do successfully hide depression because the stigma is harsh and the usual responses are inadequate, or even harmful. Most of us do not know what to say or do and try to lighten the mood. It’s not a mood; it’s a disease.

So, in casual settings, we usually don’t know that someone could be dangerously ill. We don’t know if this is a whiner, or someone who has been consuming the black smoke of depression and no longer knows how to connect with others.

Ozone, I don’t think you’re an asshole. But I suspect that it may be difficult for you to understand a situation if you haven’t experienced it yourself first hand —- probably because you Have experienced so much. I can’t say this with any certainty, but I am fairly certain there are many who just aren’t as tough as you, who can’t stiff-upper-lip it and muscle through. It’s all individual.

Ozone, I'd say you're not an arsehole, but mainly because you're questioning it. Their issues may well be clinical depression and the things you find pathetic about them obviously mean a lot to them. So maybe you're a bit of a dick for judging but that's human nature.😂😂😂

Not everyone has a support network, not everyone feels they can turn to people or are emotionally intelligent enough to deal with things. That said, it's not your problem and if people like that get to you then you're not the person to help them. It's easy to get into the victim narrative, I was there myself a while back. Spent so long trying to sort things out and failing and helping other's but not having anyone see I was struggling or offer help. I didn't ask for help because I have always been a protector and never occurred to me I couldn't handle my own shit.
I'm part of a facebook support group and so many of the people on there are their own worst enemies, like I was for a bit.

@Oz: You're right that a lot of human evolutionary development and dominance is largely due to our super-brains, but we weren't always the physical wimps we are now. It's been eons now but at one time Homo-(insert sub category) was much more physically robust. Few animals could match us when it came to long distance running and driving prey to exhaustion (our ability to profusely sweat helps there too). Yes, we were still very intelligent, and that still was the trait that made us succeed so well as a species, but all that really isn't the point… There was a time when life was very much a struggle for us just like all the other creatures, and to spend time and energy being upset over the things that bother us these days could mean your life (ie. the end of it)

All that old brainware is still there, buried deep!

But I'd say you're totally right in that our brain's growing complexity as certainly exacerbated everything. It's like we got too intelligent too fast, and really don't know fully how to handle the swirling storm of imaginings, fears, worries… We don't even know how to handle our own biological urges, putting all kinds of spins, taboos on everything!

When I got up this morning, I thought I was haunted by the poltergeist. The bar stools were all bunched up. A dining chair was under the bar and another was in the kitchen. A folding chair was on other end of the table. And, the high chair was blocking the back door. Then I realized little Kristopher was pushing the chairs around last night before bed.

Haha! Well as convincing as most ghost stories anyway.

Yes! It took over a year but I finally figured out how to pinch the screen to read the comic view statistics graph!

And Now if I could only figure out how to text with my thumbs. All those keyboarding classes keep getting in the way.

And just what tiny handed child are finger print scanners made for?

I thought the same with the finger print scanners. They read off a partial print though , it's why you have to press it about 50 times when configuring your finger print. I never use it, or the facial recognition. I have formerly top of the range phone with loads of bells and whistles, but for what I do on it any smart phone could do. I do like the camera though.

I never used to bother locking my devices because it's such a hassle to unlock them.
The fingerprint scanners finally made it easy and practical. :)

Funny, because when they were introduced I thought they'd be useless thing… and they WOULD still be if you don't lock your things.

Some places require fingerprints. Any special identification or any job with special access usually get you fingerprinted for background checks.

Now they use these scanners with whole hand imprints that must have been designed with the hand of a twelve year old in mind.

bravo1102 wrote:
Some places require fingerprints. Any special identification or any job with special access usually get you fingerprinted for background checks.

Yup. I had to pay for fingerprints to be taken for a background check to work behind the counter at a CVS pharmacy. Made perfect sense to me when I was responsible for counting pills.

But considering 90% of my time was spent ringing up customer purchases, explaining that I couldn't honor a coupon that expired 4 months earlier, and getting reprimanded when I told some guy that referred to me as a girl that I'm not a girl, I realized I was smack dab in a retail job.

And I'm not a good fit for retail. Really, why do so many people think that cashiers are servants. Or worse

ayesinback wrote:

bravo1102 wrote:
Some places require fingerprints. Any special identification or any job with special access usually get you fingerprinted for background checks.

Yup. I had to pay for fingerprints to be taken for a background check to work behind the counter at a CVS pharmacy. Made perfect sense to me when I was responsible for counting pills.

But considering 90% of my time was spent ringing up customer purchases, explaining that I couldn't honor a coupon that expired 4 months earlier, and getting reprimanded when I told some guy that referred to me as a girl that I'm not a girl, I realized I was smack dab in a retail job.

And I'm not a good fit for retail. Really, why do so many people think that cashiers are servants. Or worse

My nephew had that exact same experience. 😏 My sister helped draft the legislation that set up the pharmacy tech program in New Jersey.

And our mom worked in retail for over 40 years and loved it so much that after retiring from Macy's she went back to work in Lord & Taylor. And I did my time in retail. Servants? Wage slave. I was screamed at and had things thrown at me. 😂 I can laugh at it now. Idiots on parade.

Impressive! We just had some thoroughly Bohemian Rhapsody weather roll in, and it lasted not much longer than the song.

Really wish we could redirect some of these rain clouds to where they're badly needed.

Thunder and lightning, very, very frightening?

There's ongoing storms here. No thunder or lightening but lots of wind and rain. Great weather for being inside and cosy on the couch!

I finally got skinny again after trying and trying and it was so simple… All it took was eating less 😂
I halved my dinner and cut out lunch for most days.

So bye bye to the spare tyre and hello flat tummy 😁😁

Trouble is now all my trousers are loose at the waist, especially the most recent ones I bought. I hate that feeling!
And when do you know when to stop losing weight?

ozoneocean wrote:
Thunder and lightning, very, very frightening?

Zakly. The cats were quite unnerved.

Congrats on losing the weight you wanted to lose. I've been struggling with 15 lbs that have accumulated over the past four years, and so far they're winning.

My most successful strategy is to be very conservative with calories for 2-4 days, and then relax calorie restriction for a single day. Combine that with a daily walk of at least 1-1/2 miles and the pounds do come off.

But I don't have the will power to walk in heat or rain, and any kind of traveling just pounds the weight back on.

Btw, we bought the house! The home insurance Co. wants to inspect it's condition. They won't take my say so that it's very very bad.

ayesinback wrote:
we bought the house!

Congratulations!!

A very curious thing about the fingerprint scanners–have you seen the news reports that told a story of a young child that used the fingerprints of their unconcious parent to unlock a phone in order to dial emergency OR make a purchase?

I used a cash register at work that used employee fingerprints in order to log into the system (open the register, operate the system), digital fingerprints were faster than having to type in an employee ID before each transaction, but what would happen if a bad person wanted to hold up the register at gunpoint near closing and had access to your fingerprint hand? It definitely raised personal concern for the safety of my hands!!

Fingerprints are basic biometrics, more convenient than pin numbers or passwords, but still not perfect. They're a transition technology while other biometrics are introduced and improved: 3D face scans, iris etc…

Or you could do something crazy… like the vagina prints of burlesque performance artist Betty Grumble XD
I got one from her at a show last year. I loved her video of Peaches' song “Dumb Fuck” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfMbzE7Bk-4 and just HAD to see her live during the Fringe arts festival. I saw a lot more that I expected.
a LOT.

I hesitate to describe it XD

@Oz, I HAD to click on the link after you described the event you attended and then I found myself reading about Emma Maye Gibson and her alter ego, Betty Grumble. My favorite part of that music video (which is fantastic, by the way) is the unshaved armpits. It is good to showcase that aspect and not being embarrassed about it. I would say based in thst video alone, WA is ahead of the game in body positivity for women in the media.

kawaiidaigakusei wrote:
@Oz, I HAD to click on the link after you described the event you attended and then I found myself reading about Emma Maye Gibson and her alter ego, Betty Grumble. My favorite part of that music video (which is fantastic, by the way) is the unshaved armpits. It is good to showcase that aspect and not being embarrassed about it. I would say based in thst video alone, WA is ahead of the game in body positivity for women in the media.

It's a great vid, better than Peaches' original. I was glad to be able to tell her in person. I think she wanted me to ask her out but I jumbled the signals XD

Yup, she had body hair, and not just under her arms. Very unusual Burlesque show!
I think she's from Sydney.

I am incredibly happy because there is now a baby grand piano in my home that I can play and practice with just like in high school. Today I played “The Scientist” by Coldplay, still ironing out tiny little kinks, but I love how I can record myself playing and then listen to it to see where my timing needs the most improvement.

Are there any other ducks that like playing an instrument? It would be cool to have a hidden talent, talent show quackcast where we could showcase our musical abilities.

Why haven't I been updating very frequently this summer? It's because I have been dedicating more time to marketing and promotional materials, rather than generating new pages. On that note, the trailer for Mindfold is finally completed, and it's up on Youtube now:

Dang! So cinematic, hyper talented, FC. Your character designs are so unique. It was also cool to see theduckwebcomics.com shoutout at the end of your trailer. :)

Super amazing work man! Excellent art!

@Kawaii- that's cool about your piano! Amazing! Must be expensive?

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I'm flying off the Greece tomorrow night! Yay!
I'll say hello to Tantz and then in a few weeks I'm off over to Serbia.
5 week holiday.

I will be popping in here as much as I can though so please keep it lively so I've got something here to see ;)

@FC: Now that is one awesome promo.

@Ozoneocean: I got three hours with Tantz and you get at least three weeks! Oh to live in a country where you actually get real vacation time.

Hey, you'll be there for her birthday and name day! Enjoy and just pause to give a thought to a poor dumb American.

Americans overwork and under achieve. We put in all these hours and only manage to to do what other western countries do with shorter workdays, no overtime and four weeks vacation every year. We're doing it wrong America!

The wife is going to a genealogy seminar out in Indiana for a week. And my mother turned 89 years young.